


Drunk and Disorderly

by stripeypirate



Category: Naruto
Genre: Bachelorette Party, Drinking, F/M, Fluff, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Partying, Silly, Stag Nights & Bachelor Parties, everyone gets trashed and nothing hurts, hinata comes out of her shell, naruto is a sentimental dork, sasuke and sakura BROTP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-10-30 10:31:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10874934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stripeypirate/pseuds/stripeypirate
Summary: Hinata decides she'd rather have a quiet night in with the girls rather than a traditional bachelorette party. Naruto plans to take the guys out for a night of epic debauchery. Needless to say, neither event goes as planned.





	Drunk and Disorderly

Sakura stirred her cup of tea and sank into her seat with a sigh. She'd just come off a twelve-hour shift at the hospital, but Ino had convinced her to meet up at a little café nearby for "girl time." Her feet sang praises as the pressure was lifted off them as Sakura relaxed into an atmosphere that was free of beeping monitors and smelled like bread rather than antiseptic.  

_I guess I haven't been very social lately with my work schedule. Maybe this is just what I need._ Ino had a knack for figuring these things out before Sakura even realized what was bothering her.  

Hinata, Tenten, and Temari all nodded in greeting before they turned back to the topic of discussion at hand.  

"What do you MEAN you don't want to have a bachelorette party?" Ino shrieked at earsplitting volume. Several of the other patrons turned sharply in their direction. "Okay sure, Naruto is like, certifiably hot now but don't tell me you're prepared to hop right into monogamy without a fuss!" 

Hinata blushed all the way to the tips of her ears.  

"W-well I actually haven't dated anyone other than Naruto before so-" 

"Maybe the rest of us need an excuse to get trashed in our old age." 

"Ino," Sakura laid a restraining hand on her friends arm and gestured for Hinata to continue. 

"I-I'm sorry. I know you guys like parties and everything, but I-I just wind up standing against a wall watching other people dance all night." She fidgeted with the napkin in her lap.  

"That’s okay," Sakura soothed. "What if we did something small, with just the five of us? We could all meet up at my house and play board games and maybe drink a little shochu." 

"But Ino-" 

"Look, I was only teasing. That sounds great to me! This is your day after all, girl." 

"I'd prefer a nice night in too," Tenten added. "Whenever I go out with Lee and his buddies they want to keep me up until four in the morning. Something about staying youthful." 

"A-men," was Temari's contribution.  

Hinata smiled. "Thank you. I'm so lucky to have you all as friends."  

 

* * *

 

"We're gonna get soooo wasted," Naruto snickered, rubbing his hands gleefully over the map of Konoha's downtown district he had spread out over the kitchen table. Shikamaru had flagged all the bars and had calculated a route that would involve the most alcohol with the lowest amount of walking. Chouji of course had marked which ones had the best snacks so they could plan out where to eat as well.  

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "The next Hokage, everyone."  

"Hey, my man deserves it," Kiba said, punching Naruto in the shoulder. "We're gonna give you the bachelor party of a lifetime. I can't believe you're all grown up, marrying my favorite teammate, no offense Shino." 

"None taken."  

"Aww you guys are the best." Naruto wiped at his eyes. "Growing up I never woulda thought-" 

"Don't get sappy on me, dobe."   

He playfully kicked Sasuke under the table with a force that would've shattered a lesser man's shin.  

"I kinda wish Sakura could come. Even though she'd get all pouty if we went to a strip club or something. And she probably wouldn't like what Chouji's got planned with the fireworks..." 

"Guess I have to be the responsible parent," Sasuke muttered under his breath.  

"The women are helping Hinata celebrate," Shikaramu drawled. "Temari was telling me something about a ladies' night over at Sakura's place. A relaxed stay-at-home deal. Sounded boring." 

The other men nodded in agreement before turning back to their plans. 

 

* * *

 

Sakura decked out her living room with garlands of hyacinth and lavender from Ino's shop, ordered a large amount of takeout from a cheap delivery place, lit candles, put on soft, ambient music in the background and waited for the guests to arrive.  

Tenten was first, bearing a gift wrapped in shiny silver paper. Temari followed soon after and plopped down on the couch. Her clothes were dusty from travelling, and there was a drop of something that looked suspiciously like blood on her sleeve but Sakura decided not to mention it. Ino arrived fashionably late as always, with Hinata in tow.  

"Wow, it's beautiful!" Hinata gasped.  

"Congratulations!" Sakura cried, and wrapped her up in a hug as Ino popped the cork in the peach-flavored shochu and began pouring out generous helpings. "What do you want to do first? Games? Gifts?" 

"Oh you shouldn't have-" She protested, but a pleased flush was creeping up her neck.  

"Here." Tenten thrust the box into her hands.  

Hinata carefully unwrapped it, folding and smoothing the paper as she did so rather than simply tearing it off. Inside was a set of beautifully engraved silver knives. 

"I made 'em myelf," Tenten said proudly. "I hope you aren't planning on settling down right away. They've got both form AND function." She picked on up twirled it expertly, then sent it flying over one of the candles. A small curl of smoke rose into the air as the wick was sliced just below the flame. The knife buried itself in the wall with a dull _thunk_. Sakura winced. Temari broke into appreciative applause. 

"I'll treasure them," Hinata said, bowing her head.  

Fortunately for Sakura, the rest of the gift-giving finished up without any further property damage. Temari offered a fine set of silk robes from Suna, Sakura gave her a picture of Naruto from his academy days- all grubby hair and elbows, grinning at the camera after their graduation ceremony. 

Ino handed her present over with a sly smile. "Who knows, this just might save your marriage." 

Nested in tissue paper was a slim vibrator. Hinata blushed so furiously it looked as through her face was on fire.  

"I think I need another drink," She muttered.  

"A toast!" Said Tenten, striking a dramatic pose.  

_Lee's_ _worn_ _off on her more than she realizes,_ Sakura thought _._  

"To Hinata, the first of our class to get hitched," Ino began.  

"We wish you all the best," Chimed in Tenten.  

"May your union last long and strong like the bond between our two nations. Or something. My brother's the kazekage, not me," Temari said.  

"Good luck with my idiot teammate," Sakura finished with a wink.  

They clinked their glasses.  

 

* * *

 

The music pulsed so loud the entire club reverberated with every bass note. Multi-colored strobe lights flickered without any particular pattern. Sasuke wondered how none of the sweating bodies on the floor had collapse and started seizing yet.   

"Hell yeah man, this is the liiiife," Naruto hollered over the din. He pressed his way through the crowd, a drink clutched in each hand. He shoved one at Sasuke, ice sloshing over the rim and onto the already sticky floor.  

"The life of the insipid and deaf," Sasuke grumbled as he tried to dry off his hands on the seat of his pants. Whatever liquor he'd been handed smelled like piss and probably didn't taste much better.  

"What? I can't hear you, the music's too loud!"  

He rolled his eyes. Kiba bounded over and slapped them both on the back. More of Sasuke's drink spilled. He decided it would be useless to try and keep his hands clean.  

"Mad party bro! Didja see all the chicks lookin' at ya? Guess being a war hero helps with the ladies, eh? I got four phone numbers already. FOUR." He held up his fingers for emphasis and nodded towards a small but appreciative crowd that had gathered a few feet away.  

"Uh yeah. Great. Haha." Naruto's smile strained at the edges. He took a long swig of whatever he was holding, coughed violently, then smacked his lips. "One more round 'n then ramen?" 

Sasuke sighed and choked down his drink. _If I have a few more of these I won't be able to taste_ _anymo_ _re_ _. Win-win._  

They stumbled out into the streets where even the muggy summer-night air was a relief from the oppressive sheen of sweat inside. 

Shikamaru swatted at a mosquito. "Kay. Strategically speaking we're the perfect amount of drunk for your gross-ass ramen. And it's right around the corner. Wow I can hear myself think out here, amazing." He leaned against the nearest building as if it were too much effort to stand on his own.  

"They have booze at Ichiraku's now too," Chouji supplied. "I'll buy the next round since it's your special day, Naruto."  

"Are there girls?" Kiba asked, looking a little put-out.  

"Yeah yeah they're be time for all that. We're partying 'til dawn remember?" Naruto danced impatiently a few steps ahead of the group. "For now we can I dunno sit down? Tell embarrassing stories about Sasuke. Stuff like that. The good old days." 

"Whatever you want dude, its your party." Shikamaru cracked his neck. "Just don't start any fights, okay? You two are troublesome." 

Sasuke opened his mouth to protest but found he didn't have a rebuttal.  

 

* * *

 

Two bottles of shochu lay discarded next to the trash can. Their card game had devolved into a sloppy version of truth-or-dare that mostly involved telling bawdy stories or licking random things around the house.  

"Yanno what? I think I wanna go OUT!" Hinata tossed her hair over her shoulder and stood shakily, placing one hand on her hip. "You guys make me feel hot and fabulous an' I don't think the boys should have all the fun getting trashed and running around town like idiots." 

"YES!" Ino shriekd " We have corrupted youuuuu." 

"Nah I think the party girl's been hiding inside all along," Temari said.   

"Are you sure?" Sakura asked. "I know earlier you were worried about being the wallflower at your own celebration."  

Hinata straightened out to her full height and looked down her nose with the full force of a true Hyuuga heiress.   

"I won't be." 

Sakura shook her head in amazement as the rag-tag gang spilled out into the streets, Ino chanting "Bachelorette Party, Bachelorette Party!" On one hand, the night was shaping up to be a trainwreck, but on the other, they would at least stop destroying her house. Sakura decided she needed another drink. Or four. 

 

* * *

 

Ino selected a bar that had "like, the most perfect atmosphere ever." It was crowded but not packed wall-to-wall, leaving plenty of space in the center for dancing. A bored-looking DJ was pumping out some generic but catchy tunes, and those out on the floor cheered and gyrated accordingly.  

"Time for shots!" Tenten announced, and before Sakura could stop her, was weaving her way back to the group laden with drinks.  

Sakura gasped as the liquor burned white-hot fire down her throat, but Hinata didn't even splutter. She wiped her lips primly, then turned on her heel and headed directly for the middle of the dancefloor.  

Temari, who had changed out of her travelling cloak and into something that was more fishnet than cloth, clucked her tongue in annoyance as a strap slid off her shoulder.  

"Anyone want to go after her? I can hardly move in this thing." 

"Should've payed more attention in kunoichi class," Ino said mockingly. "Learn important things like how to hide kunai under skin-tight spandex and run in high heels."  

"Cuz y'know, who needs to learn how to fight when you c'n just look pretty in a headband." Sakura slammed her empty glass down on the table so hard a crack ran up the side. "No wonder there's only one of use for every two dudes," she went on to mutter something about long hair under her breath. 

"Holy shit guys, who knew Hinata could DANCE?" Temari interrupted. Tenten whistled in agreement. Sakura noticed she was already nursing a beer and wondered if Team Guy's incredible stamina extended to alcohol consumption as well.  

She turned her foggy gaze to the dance floor, where she could see Hinata's delicate wrist poking up from the crowd. She followed it down until she caught sight of a head; eyes closed, lips moving fervently along with the lyrics. Her body seemed to be moving on it's on accord, fluidly synching with the music without a trace of shyness.  

"I guess it's time for the rest of us to embarrass ourselves next to her," Ino huffed, grabbing Sakura's arm and tugging her forward.  

 

* * *

 

 

Naruto was uncharacteristically quiet, which meant that the dinner conversation consisted mainly of the sound of slurping noodles, and Chouji's contented sighs. He didn't even seem to enjoy his drink, merely tipping it back in one long swallow before abruptly paying for his meal and leaving.  

Shikamaru gave him a searching look but didn't comment. Chouji, Kiba, and Shino were busy arguing where to go next.  

"Strip club, amirite?" Kiba stretched back languidly, revealing a strip of skin between his navel and waistband. "One last little fling before you give up that sweet, sweet freedom for holy matrimony?" 

Naruto laughed but it had a hollow, mechanical sound. "Totally. Sounds great."  

Shino and Chouji shrugged in acceptance of defeat.  

"There'll be boobs. Boobs everywhere. Just like Pervy Sage woulda wanted," Naruto went on as they sauntered through the downtown area towards the red light district.  

"Hey man, we don't have to go if you don't feel like it," Shikamaru cut in.  

"Are you kidding? This is my bachelor party! I'm gonna have the greatest one ever. An' like, that's what you do at bachelor parties, right? Drinking and women." He scuffed the toe of his shoe along the sidewalk. 

_Oh great, he must be really trashed,_ Sasuke thought. He kicked Naruto lightly in the back of the knee and sure enough, he fell down in a sprawling heap. The others whirled around in surprise.  

"Hey what the fuck-" 

"Can it, shithead."  

Sasuke bent down and fixed him with the most insolent stare he could manage.  

"You've spent half the night moping around, pretending you're having a good time for the rest of us. Tonight's about you, moron. What do you actually want." 

Naruto chewed his lower lip.  

"Spit it out." 

"I-I wanna see Hinata! I miss her. I don't wanna see a buncha other naked girls, I wanna see HER." His voice wobbled and tears gathered in the corner of his eyes.  

Sasuke flapped a hand and the rest of the crew, indicating that they should carry on without them. Shikamaru nodded and tugged the gawkers away.  

"You're such a baby when your drunk," Sasuke smirked. He hoisted him up under the armpit "C'mon let's go find Hinata. She'll be at Sakura's remember?"  

"Oh yeah," Naruto sniffed a little.  

"If you even think about wiping your nose on me, I'll kill you and leave Hinata a widow before you're even married." 

"She's so great isn't she?" 

Sasuke rolled his eyes so hard he almost activated his sharingan.  

 

* * *

 

 

They were slowly making their way past a row of karaoke bars and nightclubs when a disturbance erupted from inside.  

"Narutoooooo!" 

A whirlwind of purple fabric shot out of a door to their left. Sasuke instinctively dropped into a crouch, prepared to strike, but Naruto opened his arms and was enveloped in a hug.  

Sasuke blinked. The whirlwind was Hinata. A very flushed, very tipsy Hinata. He caught sight of Sakura a few paces behind, her smile stretched tight the way it sometimes got before she slapped Naruto upside the head.  

"I missed you soooo much," Naruto crooned into her neck. Hinata giggled.  

"You should come dance with me. It'll be so much more funnn and Ino'll buy us another drink and-" 

_Dance?_ Sasuke caught Sakura's gaze and raised an eyebrow. She threw her hands up to the sky as if to say "don't ask me."  

"I can't wait to marry you. Can we get married right here?" Naruto gazed around blearily. "Kiba 'n the rest of 'em can't have gone far."  

"How about you wait another week for the loving ceremony we've all planned?" Sakura placed a restraining hand on his head. "Not that the 24-hour chapels around here aren't...charming." 

Hinata squeezed her hands around his waist. "Let's just combine out parties! Who says the bride 'n groom have to have separate celebrations. You're gonnea be Hokage right? Change the rules." 

Naruto pressed a kiss onto the top of her forehead. "That's a great idea." 

Sasuke turned away. All the PDA was making him feel vaguely sick. Sakura elbowed him in the side.  

"Wanna go sit at the bar and take bets on who's gonna pass out first?" 

He gratefully accepted.     


End file.
